Religion is fun
by DarkMousy13
Summary: Two-shot. Hidan's rituals are kept secret, and Kakuzu gets pissed over it. So when he goes to check them out, what will Hidan do? Quote:"Hidan loved pain. And not just like “Yeah there, get me with that whip!” More like, he experienced pain as pleasure...
1. Chapter 1

**Religion is fun**

By DarkMousy13

I give this to my buddy and her lil' sis, because they are the two most perverted girls I've ever heard about! -Dm

Authors Note

Yeah peeps, I'm back! ME! The one and only DarkMousy13, but you call me Darkmousy ;D. It's been awhile, so I might be a bit rusty, but I'll get to it, believe me! Ciao for now!

Hidan smiled as he closed the door of his and Kakuzu's room behind him. He'd finally convinced the money-loving man to leave him to his rituals in peace, which was good, since Hidan didn't want anyone watching him offer his prayers to his god. You see, praying to Jashin was really complicated, and, most unfortunately, very private to Hidan. Because Hidan had an ability that he didn't want Kakuzu to find out about.

Hidan loved pain.

And not just like "Yeah there, get me with that whip!" But more like, he experienced pain as pleasure. And since he had to kill himself in as many painful ways as possible during a ritual, the pain/pleasure was enough to make him horny as hell.

But Kakuzu needn't know that.

And so came that Hidan was in their room, alone, preparing the circle and checking his weapons. When he'd convinced himself that everything was okay and the door was closed, he laid down in the circle and closed his eyes. Immediately, he went into a state of meditation. Flying high, past the stars, he reached out for a far-away spot of light, and shivered when he felt the light touch his outstretched arm. His eyes flew open, but the vision didn't disappear. The room was completely gone, he was lying inside his circle in the univers, stars scattered around him. His hand was still reaching out for the light and the light still reached back, Hidan smirked. From now on, everything would go as it usually did.

"Jashin-sama! My lord! I, your humble servant, have come to fulfill your wishes. Is there anything you desire me to do?" He called this out, as if he was talking to his master, (which he was, if you think about it) and awaited the response. Sure enough, soon, a deep voice rumbled through the air, shaking Hidan to the core of his being. "Hidan, my loyal servant, I desire your death! Show me your death in many ways, many ways indeed."

Hidan was never one to deny his god anything, so he took his spear in one hand and spoke up. "I entrust my life to Jashin-sama, may he use it as he sees fit. Death is our fate, yet I must live!" With this, he stabbed himself in the chest, already feeling an erection rising. He stabbed two more times and choked, then removed the spear and called out to his god again.

"The spear has not killed me, my lord! My scythe may however do so!" He then took his blood red scythe (AN: Guess why…) and sliced his chest open, spilling his blood on the floor. He moaned loudly, and rubbed his crotch against the handle of the scythe. With each time he ground into it, he buried the blades deeper in his chest, and he once again cried out in pleasure.

The scent of his own blood spilling around him aroused him even further, and he made quick work of getting out some iron needles, razor sharp, which he stuck deep into his chest, arms and legs, which hurt him tremendously, but he only got more exited about that. "Oooooh… Jashin-sama…" He moaned, slipping out of his pants and taking another bunch of needles, which he trust into his ass. Some of the needles entered him, others just pieced his flesh, and he threw his head back, screaming in pleasure.

Kakuzu growled, the religion freak had thrown him out of their shared room, again! He understood the man's devotion to his god, but honestly, couldn't he pray somewhere else? After five minutes of sulking around in the living room, he decided that he'd go give Hidan a piece of his mind about religion.

He stomped off through the hallway, towards their door, which he opened without knocking. What he saw rendered him speechless.

Hidan was lying on the floor in a circle, moaning and writhing as weapons pierced him everywhere, and his blood dripped to the ground. Only there was no ground, the entire room had changed into a picture of the universe, pitch black with white spots, representing the stars. One star shone particularly bright, and Kakuzu could've sworn he saw a hand reaching out for Hidan, or more precisely, for Hidan's dick.

This was only for a split second however, because at that very moment, Hidan's eyes snapped open and he looked straight at Kakuzu. A blush spread on his cheeks, but he couldn't hold back anymore, and he came with a ferocious growl. "JASHIN-SAMA!!! Aaaaaaahhh!!! Oooh-mmm!!!"

The room changed back to normal, the light and the stars were gone. Hidan came back from his peak and quickly covered himself up, blushing like mad. "KAKUZU, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" He screamed at the money lover, who was currently staring at his partner in a state of half-shock, his mouth slightly agape and blood dripping from his nose. "I TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT, DIDN'T I, YOU FUCKING ASSWHIPE?" A tear escaped his eye and slid down his cheek. "I'VE TOLD YOU BEFORE! MY. RITUALS. ARE. PRIVATE!" Another tear came, and another one, until Hidan was crying so hard he could hardly find the words to yell at Kakuzu anymore. "I TOLD YOU I WANTED TO BE ALONE! WHY DIDN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?"

Hidan sobbed, and Kakuzu couldn't help but feel sorry for his partner. Had he know that the rituals were like this, he would never even have dared to interrupt them…

Hidan tried to control his crying, but couldn't, and for a second he felt as if the world turned all black, when he felt someone picking him up and holding him in their arms. "Hidan…" A voice whispered in his ear. Hidan opened his eyes, which he hadn't realized he'd closed, to see Kakuzu's face, politely turned away from his half-naked body. "Hidan… I'm sorry. You told me your rituals were private. I should have listened. Can you please forgive me?" "Forgive you? FORGIVE YOU? AFTER YOU INVADED MY PRIVACY AND DISRUPTED MY PRAYERS TO JASHIN-SAMA?" Kakuzu cringed. "Yes, after all that. Because… Hidan, I l- … I'm really sorry, okay? I'll never, EVER interrupt you again, I swear. And I'll never tell anyone what I saw."

Hidan's sobbing lessened, and he looked up at Kakuzu. "It's not just that." He said, in a small voice. "This is not how the ritual's supposed to go. It's just that I…" Kakuzu was curious now. "Yes?" Hidan fidgeted, driving one of the needles further into his body, which caused him to let out a small moan. "I-I'm turned on by pain. I can't help it, it's like bloody instinct or something! And every time I kill myself, I get so exited that I just can't hold back anymore!" Kakuzu's face reddened even more. "Promise you won't tell?" "So that's why you always tell me to go on ahead after battles…" Kakuzu pondered. Hidan nodded. "But after battles it's usually worse." "Why is that?" Kakuzu asked curiously. Somehow, his interest had been awakened, and he stared at Hidan's face. The silver-haired man looked away. "Because of the adrenaline, and… Oh, bloody hell! I love you, you stupid asshole!"

Kakuzu was startled at first, but then smiled. "Hey Hidan… can you do this rituals with more persons, or do you have to be alone?" Hidan gave him a curious look. "More is possible, yes. Why?" Kakuzu grinned, and brought his face so close to Hidan's their noses almost touched. "Because I think I can inflict more pain on you than you can do by yourself…"

The end… for now

Authors note: It was originally meant as a one-shot, but if you ant more, just tell me, okay? I'll be glad to do it… wink wink Well, byebye, laterz etc.

WildFlower, I love you, and werewolf, you rock!


	2. Chapter 2

Religion is fun II

By Darkmousy13

Warning: This fic is written in Komiyan style. Oh yeah, and it also contains yaoi ( that means boyxboy love). If you have anything against one of these things, don't read this. For the weak of heart: DON'T READ THIS!! I was sexually frustrated when I wrote this, so ye be warned.

Pairings: HidanXKakuzu, SasoriXDeidara and ItachiXKisame (hints)

Dedicated to Komiyan for being the best writing partner ever, to Wildflower for being my boyfriend and causing my being frustrated by going to visit his parents, and to Komi's lil' sis Rian for being such a (young!)perv, and writing such cute mails about sharks.

**Religion is fun **

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Chapter 2

_Deidara's p.o.v._

Dear diary,

Lately things have changed in the Akatsuki's hideout. It's not like it's really different within the organisation, but the people are changing. It's like they've all become more relaxed, and I can't stand it, hmm. It's creeping me out!

It started with Uchiha 'stick-up-his-arse' Itachi. He and Kisame had returned from a mission, and during dinner, he was still his usual sulky self. Suddenly, Kisame started yelling at him, telling the Uchiha that he smelled and such nasty things, and then he stomped off. The uchiha then left as well. During the days after that, he slowly... melted. The icecube that usually surrounds him was melting away, and one time, he actually smiled at me... Around the same time, Kisame started grinning sheepishly, no matter what happened...

Next came the change in Leader and Konan. They were already our 'least seen in public' members, but they even disappeared during meetings now! And all of a sudden, they loosened the rules and everything... It's really scary.

After those two, Hidan changed. He suddenly yelled less, and he developed a strange limp, which seems to worsen after every ritual he does. Kakuzu also complains a lot less about the rituals, I guess, although that's a little less noticable. I mean, Hidan not cursing every three seconds, that's just too weird.

But the scariest thing was the change in Sasori-dono. He's been acting strange lately, and he's been locking himself up in his 'doll room' a lot more then he usually does. Then, when he finally comes out, he gives me strange looks, and he snickers, which nearly makes me piss my pants whenever he does it. He's also developed a habit to sneak up behind me when I least expe-

------the next day ------

Dear diary,

sorry for the abrupt cut-off, but sasori-dana snuck up on me. He's just told me he has some good news, but he refuses to tell me what it is... He's going to show it to me tonight, he said, with that creepy grin on his face. I wonder what he could be planning...

Anyway, about those changes. They are indeed there. I asked Zetsu, and he agrees. Something is going on here, and I'm going to find out what.

Good night for now, I'll write my findings tomorrow. My first targets will be Hidan and Kakuzu, because I've seen that, whenever Hidan leaves for a ritual, Kakuzu suddenly disappears as well... But just you wait, I'll find out what those two are up to, hmm!

Deidara

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Kakuzu dropped the book he had been reading out loud, and looked at Hidan. Hidan looked back at him.

"So, we are going to be the first, huh? That dirtly little psycho chick..." "... Hidan... you DO know that deidara is a guy, don't you?" Kakuzu asked. Hidan nodded, and grinned develishly. "Oh yeah, but to Sasori he's not..." Kakuzu looked confused. "Huh? What's Sasori got to do with this?" Hidan sighed, and smacked his forehead. "Kakuzu, you fucking idiot! Sasori's in love with Deidara!" "...WHAT?" "Yeah. But it's true. Fucking disgusting, puppet sex!" Kakuzu blushed slightly. "Whatever! That isn't the point here! I want to know how we are going to get they bastard off of our backs!" Hidan frowned. "I have an idea that might work, but I'll need your help... a lot of it." Kakuzu looked grim. "Whatever it is, I'm doing it. I still need to take revenge for that time the blonde-bimbo bastard stole my money to buy clay..." "Then it's done! the plan is as follows..."

Many whispers were uttered that night.

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Deidara snuck around the akatsuki building with incredible stealth, only to stop at the door to Hidan and Kakuzu's room. Those two had disappeared a few minutes ago, and Deidara, set on knowing what they did every time, followed them. He looked in throught the keyhole... to find a purple eye staring back at him. He jerked away as fast as he could and made a hasty retreat, but ran into someone in the process. Someone warm. "Sorry, hm!" He muttered. Two arms grabbed him, and dragged him off.

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"Hmm, sucks that he chose to look in just when I looked out! Jashin-dammit!" Hidan pouted. "We had everything ready for the plan..." Kakuzu smiled. "Doesn't matter. It's still time for a ritual. You start it, I'll prepare here..."

Hidan nodded and bet his thumb. With his blood, he painted a Jashin sign on the floor, and lay in it. "You ready, 'kuzu?" "Yeah, I am. Start it." "Your wish..." Hidan started. He laid down in the circle and closed his eyes. Immediately, he went into a state of meditation. Flying past the stars through the universe, he reached out for a far-away spot of light, and shivered as always when he felt the light touch on his outstretched arm. His eyes flew open, but the vision didn't disappear. The room was completely gone, he was lying inside his circle in the universe, stars all around him. His hand was still reaching out for the light and the light was still reaching back. Hidan smirked. It was time for some fun.

"Jashin-sama, I have brought someone to kill me today, as he will do me more harm than I myself can ever do!" "Yes, my loyal servant... Show me your pleasure and pain!" Kakuzu knew that this was his cue, and he entered the circle with a spear in his hand, a sword strapped to his back, and two weapon pouces on his legs. "Oh lord Jashin! I am here to kill your humble servant, as you will me to do!" With this, he stabbed Hidan throught the chest repeatedly with the spear, causing the platinum-haired man to moan and writhe inside the circle. Kakuzu smirked, and started slowly, very slowly, cutting Hidan's clothes open, making sure to catch his flesh in the process as well. The immortal moaned louder. "Aaaaaaaaaaah! Jashin-sama..." Kakuzu started tracing lines on Hidan's body with his VERY sharp sword, and Hidan tossed and turned, but he couldn't escape; he was in Kakuzu's power, and in Jashin's as well.

"Kill him! Finish him now!" Came the demand from above, and Kakuzu had learned to obey those commands, so he thrust the sword into Hidan's heart, making sure to hit one of his lungs as well, in the process. Hidan choked and coughed up blood. Then he moaned, arched his back off the floor and came hard into his pants. Then he lay deadly still. The stars faded, the room was returning to normal, but Kakuzu wouldn't have that. "Jashi'-sama, I might not be your high priest like this man, but I still offer my prayer!" The universe which had been fading back into their room appeared anew, and Kakuzu shook Hidan awake by rougly janking the man's pants off and thrust a few fingers in his ass. "Ka-kakuzu... nnngh! Jashin-sama..." Hidan moaned, unable to do anything else.

Suddenly Kakuzu decided that it was enough, and he thrust himself into Hidan. Quite a few inches of Kakuzu that no one but those now in the room ever saw were pushed into Hidan's ass, and he screamed in delight. Kakuzu started thrusting hard into Hidan, thrusts that would have rendered anyone but this immortal unconcious at least. He also let his threads out, and they started to pierce Hidan where ever they could, causing the immortal to cry out desperately, and then come onto Kakuzu and himself. Kakuzu felt the insides of Hidan's ass clench, and came deep inside Hidan with a loud snarl and a hiss. The two of them collapsed inside the circle, panting, as the universe faded away and only their room remained. Both of them were sweaty, bloody and naked, and enjoying every part of it.

"Fuck... Kakuzu... You make these rituals... so much better!" Hidan managed. Kakuzu pulled out and smirked. "I think I do... even I have started to enjoy them..." HE stretched, and his back popped. "Come on, let's ge clean ourselves up." Hidan smiled, and they snuck unseen through the hallway, into the shower.

A few seconds later, they almost litterally flew back out, Kakuzu blushing, Hidan yelling lots of curses. "Oh JASHIN-SAMA! HOW IS THIS FUCKING POSSIBLE! IT BURNS MY EYES OUT!"

Inside the shower, someone shrugged, and continued what he was doing before he was rudely interupted...

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A/N: Well, aren't you excited to know what happens next? Hah! Too bad for you, because this is the END! At least of religion is fun, because that's only about Hidan and Kakuzu. I might make a sequel though... I have two more pairings to handle, at least...

"Showering is fun" and "Living is fun" would be nice titles... Both two shots, like this one.

I always like to hear suggestions, and reviews are much appreciated...

p.s. And, rian-chan, did you like it? I hope you did, although I think it might have been a little rough for you. You get to choose the shower pairing (SasorixDeidara or ItachixKisame). That is, if you react before tueseday (by mail is okay ), because I wanna up that thing on wednesday. 'kay? I'll have your big sis mail this crappy story, ne, Komi? Oh yeah, and your NejiXKiba is in the works, we're doing it together.

WildFlower, love, how did you like it? I told you anime could be bloody sexy, didn't I? Aww well, now you know. Arent you happy, I dedicated this to you 'You inspire me greatly, in so many ways... wink Anyway, i miss you. Return to the circus as soon as you can... Please? And next time I'm coming along to visit your parents, wether you like it or not! huffs blows kiss

p.s. 2: For someone who has asked (the person knows... believe me...) Yes, I am really gay, and I have a boyfriend. Personal questions on personal message...

Byez!

DM13 greets you.


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